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The 6 Domains of Systemic Forces Effecting You
(Consciously or Unconsciously, with ability to harness and impact, or merely at the mercy of...)
 Why it's worth understanding these 6 Domains:
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1. It Provides an Accurate & Helpful Frame of Understanding for Your Pain
When you're struggling it can often feel hard to describe the pervasive sense of "off-ness" or the root cause of your friction & resistance. Like when you know something is wrong, or definitely as good as you'd like, but you don't have the words to describe it. This framework gives you a precise vocabulary for all this.
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Instead of: "I feel disconnected and anxious all the time."
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You can say to yourself: "My Individual-System is in a state of dysregulation, and my Intimate-System is filled with relational static that is creating unseen friction in my life."
This moves your pain from a vague, confusing feeling to a concrete problem that can be understood and addressed. This is needed for agency to matter. It is the crucial first step from being a passive victim of your circumstances to becoming an active agent in your development or healing.
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2. It De-pathologizes and Removes Shame & Blame
Misattunement is a systemic problem, not a personal flaw. When you understand that your struggle is a result of compounding friction from a misattuned environment (internally or externally), you can begin to release the debilitating burden of self-blame.
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Instead of: "There's something wrong with me; I'm broken."
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They can say: "There's nothing wrong with me. My system, my Individual-System, learned to respond to an environment that was misattuned, and that response is no longer serving me."
This realization is a profound act of self-compassion. It allows us to stop fighting our symptoms and to begin the real work of capacitating and removing the underlying cause.
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3. It Expands the Locus of Control and Agency
When we feel stuck, we often believe the problem is entirely within ourselves. This framework shows us that the problem is not just personal; it is relational and systemic. This doesn't mean we are powerless; it means we have more levers for change than we ever realized.
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Instead of: "I can't change this on my own."
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We can say: "I have to change my relationship with these different systems. I can't control my Encompassing-System (the culture), but I can choose to change my Intimate-System by learning how to set boundaries."
It provides a map, a guide to action, showing us where we have agency, where we can leverage high-potential and importantly, where we can start.Â
We can begin to understand that our Individual-System is in a constant dialogue with the world around us, and we can learn how to change our side of that dialogue. Imagine what happens as more people do this, just imagine if your own intimate relationships did.
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4. It Provides a Path from Surviving to Flourishing
This framework is not just a language for pain; it is a blueprint for hope. It shows us that our dysregulation, our chaos, and our rigidity are not a destination; they are a sign that our systems are struggling to integrate.
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Instead of: "This is just how I am."
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We can say: "My system is struggling to reach coherence, but I have the capacity to heal, develop and strengthen. I can learn to move from Embodied Dissonance to Unburdened Aliveness by cultivating attunement."
It provides a clear, actionable path forward, showing you that the work of healing our Individual-System is not just for you personally; it is an act of profound contribution to your relationships, your communities, and the world around you. When it feels hard to do it for yourself, turn to this knowing to motivate yourself, and to inspire yourself to stand strong in the knowledge that a life of resonance is not a pipe dream, or impossibility, but a real, attainable state of being. Even in 2025.
Breakdown of each of the six domains:
In a few minutes, you can gain a simple but highly impactful understanding of the forces that are impacting your ability to experience the life you want, and express yourself with the external effect you desire (in relationships, communication, purpose and meaning, you name it).
Your Individual System
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The Individual-System is your core—a complex, vibrant world that is far more than just a mind in a body. It's a living record of every experience, constantly receiving and responding to the world not just with thoughts, but with a full, physiological symphony. The health of this system hinges on self-attunement, which is the ability to listen to your entire being, not just the parts that are easy to hear.
This requires you to engage with all eight of your senses, a holistic way of knowing that goes beyond the five external ones you’re used to:
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Sight, Sound, Smell, Taste, and Touch: These are your external antennae, bringing in information about the world around you.
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Interoception: This is your internal sense of what's happening inside your body—the feeling of a heart beating, the sensation of hunger, the subtle tension in your muscles. It's the physical language of your emotions.
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Proprioception: This is your body's awareness of its position and movement in space. It's the feeling of where your arm is without having to look at it.
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Vestibular Sense: This is your sense of balance, motion, and gravity. It's what keeps you upright and centered in your environment.
When you are misattuned, your internal world becomes disconnected. Your nervous system, having learned that authentic expression is unsafe, defaults to a survival mode. This is the physiological battlefield where a past filled with stress and misattunement can lead to chronic activation of your "fight or flight" response, impacting everything from your immune system to your heart. This isn't just a metaphor; it's a measurable physical reality, where your brain creates a skewed model of yourself because it has stopped listening to the full chorus of your senses.
Ultimately, your Individual-System is not a fixed, unchanging entity. It's a dynamic process of integration, where you learn to unify the data from all eight of your senses—the head with the heart, and the instincts of your body. This is the only path to a resilient internal capacity and vitality, where you can live & lead from your Real Self, no longer burdened by the mask or performance you adopted/fortified during your development. Something as you look around, and learn more, you will likely realize makes more sense than you thought... it's kind of crazy because it feels like, "how could I not have seen these connections"?!
The Individual-System is not a passive vessel for your consciousness; it is a complex, biological masterpiece where every thought, emotion, and relational experience is physiologically encoded. The physiological implications of dysregulation—the "unseen friction" of chronic misattunement—are not isolated; they are systemic, impacting the entire body from the level of a single cell to the harmonious function of all 11 of your bodily systems.
At the core of this breakdown is Polyvagal Theory, which reveals that your nervous system is the ultimate conductor of this physiological symphony. Your system is constantly scanning for cues of safety or threat (neuroception), and it orchestrates your bodily systems based on which of the three states it's in.
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Ventral Vagal (Safety & Connection): This is the state of attunement. It is the neurological "home base" for coherence. In this state, your nervous system signals safety, allowing for optimal function of all systems.
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Sympathetic (Fight/Flight & Mobilization): This is the state of misattunement. It's a defensive response to perceived danger.
 The nervous system prioritizes survival, preparing the body for immediate action. -
Dorsal Vagal (Freeze & Collapse): This is the state of misattunement. It's a last-resort survival response when a threat is overwhelming and escape is not an option. The nervous system shuts down, conserving energy.
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The compounding friction of chronic misattunement forces the nervous system to remain stuck in either the sympathetic or dorsal vagal states. This persistent dysregulation, or lack of Ventral Vagal dominance, is a profound physiological tax on the entire body.
The Intimate System
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The Intimate-System is the world of your actual relationships—the people you see and interact with face-to-face. This is the primary school of your nervous system, where your capacity for trust, empathy, and belonging is either built or broken. In adulthood, you will relate in this system across all 8 facets of intimacy.
The Seven Levels of Intimacy, a model developed by author Matthew Kelly, provides a useful framework for understanding how we relate to ourselves and others, and how misattunement can manifest at different depths of connection. These levels progress from superficial to profound, with each level requiring a greater degree of vulnerability and self-awareness.
Here are the seven levels and their relevance to the discussion of attunement and misattunement:
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Clichés: This is the most superficial level of interaction, characterized by brief, generic conversations with very little disclosure (e.g., "How are you? Fine, thanks."). This level is appropriate for strangers but is a way to avoid intimacy if it becomes the default in a close relationship.
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Relevance to Misattunement: Getting stuck at this level of communication is a manifestation of misattunement. It indicates a fear of moving deeper and a system that is not regulated enough to handle vulnerability.
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Facts: This level involves exchanging impersonal information like sports scores, the weather, or what you did over the weekend. It is a safe form of communication that guarantees there will be no conflict.
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Relevance to Misattunement: The reliance on facts can be a subtle form of misattunement. It's a way to maintain distance, avoid personal feelings, and stay in a "performed self" state where there is no risk of being misunderstood or rejected.
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Opinions: At this level, people begin to share their personal views and beliefs. This is the first level where conflict and disagreement can arise, and it requires a certain degree of self-awareness and maturity to "agree to disagree" without downshifting back to facts or clichés.
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Relevance to Misattunement: This is a critical level for our discussion because it reveals a person's ability to be with conflict. The documents describe how misattunement, if unresolved, can lead to a default reliance on fight/flight responses, which could manifest as being highly critical or judgmental, causing others to hide their "real self".
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Hopes and Dreams: This level involves sharing personal aspirations and goals. This takes the conversation deeper and requires a greater sense of safety within the relationship.
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Relevance to Misattunement: Sharing hopes and dreams is a vulnerable act. In a misattuned relationship, a person might fear that their dreams will be laughed at, mocked, or criticized, leading them to conceal this level of their identity and further compounding their misattunement.
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Feelings: At this level, a person expresses how they feel about their life, their relationships, and what is happening within them. A prerequisite for this level is the ability to identify, label, and articulate one's own feelings.
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Relevance to Misattunement: This level is directly tied to the concept of interoception and the "Inner Compass" discussed in the documents. A person who has experienced chronic misattunement may have difficulty identifying their own feelings or may have learned that expressing them is dangerous. They may feel disconnected from their emotions, making it impossible to share this level of intimacy with others.
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Fears, Faults, and Failures: This is the level of "emotional nakedness" where a person reveals their mistakes, insecurities, and weaknesses. Sharing this vulnerability helps others feel safe to do the same, making the relationship more real and authentic.
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Relevance to Misattunement: Hiding one's flaws and fears is a common response to chronic misattunement. The documents mention that a person might feel they are "unlovable" unless they are perfect and therefore hide their true self to avoid rejection. This level of intimacy is about learning to accept that being human and making mistakes is a normal part of life.
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Legitimate Needs: This is the highest level of intimacy, involving the conscious choice to help each other meet and fulfill their legitimate needs—physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. It is about dynamic collaboration, giving, and receiving in a way that allows both parties to thrive.
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Relevance to Misattunement: This level directly addresses the "unquenchable appetite" and "inhibited needs" that stem from misattunement. In a truly attuned relationship, needs are expressed and met, moving beyond the "superficial, manipulative or unrealistic" desires that a misattuned system might chase. The conversation about needs becomes the foundation of a life lived with purpose and joy.
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This model serves as a clear roadmap, showing that true intimacy is a developmental process. Misattunement can arrest this development, leaving a person's relationships confined to the lower levels, where they feel safe but remain unfulfilled. The journey of attunement, therefore, is a process of learning to navigate these levels with courage and vulnerability, and to engage in the conversations that bring us closer to our authentic selves.
When you are attuned in this system, you are engaging in a dynamic dance of give and take. You are fully present, a grounded anchor for yourself and others. You are not just hearing words, but also sensing the energy of the person across from you—the subtle shifts in their breathing, the tension in their posture, the sincerity in their gaze. This reciprocal process of co-regulation is what builds a shared feeling of safety, and it's what makes you feel seen, heard, and deeply connected.
When this system is defined by misattunement, the connection becomes a source of stress. You may be in a room with people you love, but you feel alone. The signals you send out are met with a response that is out of sync, and your nervous system, in its confusion, learns that intimacy is a source of threat, not comfort. This relational static erodes trust and makes it difficult to drop your guard and be your true self, leading you to rely on a "performative self" to navigate your relationships.
The Coherence System
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 The Coherence-System is the invisible network that connects your different intimate worlds. It's the harmony or conflict between your family and your school, your friendships and your work. Its health determines whether you feel whole or fragmented.
When this system is attuned, your different worlds are in harmony, and things make sense together without foundational conflict. You feel supported, secure and consistent across contexts. The values and expectations of your family are not at war with those of your friends, or teachers, or community. This creates a powerful sense of internal coherence, allowing you to move through your life with a feeling of stability and grace, without having to create different versions of yourself for each situation.
When this system is misattuned, your worlds are in conflict. This creates a profound, internal dissonance—a kind of "unseen friction" that consumes your energy. You may feel torn between loyalties, pulled in different directions, and forced to be inauthentic to survive the contradictory demands of your life. This fragmentation of your external world mirrors a fragmentation of your inner world, and it can make you feel as though your life is a series of disconnected roles, rather than a coherent story.
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The Containment System:
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The Containment-System is the wider world that shapes your life, even though you are not an active part of it. It’s the policies of your local government, the economy of your nation, or the culture of your parent’s workplace. This system can be a source of either powerful support or profound stress.
When this system is attuned, it provides a supportive container for your life. Its policies and structures work to reduce stress and create a sense of systemic safety. For example, a parent's workplace with flexible hours and mental health benefits allows them to be more present and attuned to their family. This indirect support strengthens your intimate world and reinforces your nervous system's capacity for regulation.
When this system is misattuned, it is a source of constant pressure. Its demands and constraints can create a reality defined by scarcity, inequality, or a lack of resources. This systemic stress cascades down, impacting your closest relationships and draining your internal resources. For example, a parent's toxic work environment or the stress of a struggling economy can make it difficult for them to be emotionally available, leading to misattunement in your Intimate-System and a constant feeling of pressure to survive.
The Encompassing SystemÂ
The Encompassing-System is the largest world of all—the culture, values, and grand narratives of your society. This system creates the "blueprint" for how everyone else operates, shaping what is considered good, bad, right, and wrong.
When this system is attuned, its grand narrative is one of societal resonance. It is a culture that values collaboration over competition, and authenticity over performance. This blueprint provides a framework for genuine connection, and it reinforces your belief in the possibility of a world where people can belong and thrive.
When this system is misattuned, it is the source of systemic dissonance. Its blueprint is based on narratives that promote fear, fragmentation, and competition. This could be a culture of hyper-individualism where you are taught to believe that you are entirely alone, or a culture that glorifies the "performative self" over authentic expression. This system-wide misattunement creates a profound sense of isolation and a deep distrust in your fellow human beings.
The Temporal System:
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The Temporal-System adds the dimension of time, acknowledging that all these other systems are in a constant state of change and evolution. This includes your own personal life transitions, as well as the major historical events that shape a generation.
When this system is attuned, you experience a sense of generational attunement. You perceive your life as a coherent story, where the lessons of the past can inform the present. You have the capacity to heal from past wounds, to adapt to change with resilience, and to choose a more conscious path for the future.
When this system is misattuned, it is the source of stuckness. You may experience your life as a repetition of old, misattuned patterns, and your system may lack the capacity to integrate lessons from the past. This historical misattunement can create a reality where you feel trapped, and where the hope of a different future seems out of reach.
Integration of each of the six domains:
As you can see, it's impossible not to be effected by all of these domains, even though we are, ourselves, just a single human system. It's all connected, whether we like it or not. These are fundamental principles that are not contingent on creed, doctrine or belief. It's a lot, yes, but the only place you need to start to see massive changes for the better in your life (and in the ripples across all these domains) is:
START with your internal system. Your "real" Self-Leadership, and your own capacity and developed abilities to harness your full potential and intelligence. We'll certainly touch on all the forces you can't control, but you'll be shocked at how much is within your ability to influence and shape.
